I felt like I was walking in a dream that day. It was me that went along to the ER. I fought tears the whole way to the hospital. When we got to the ER Mom was taken back immediately, and I was left in the waiting room with a week old baby... alone. I don't know how long I was there, pacing the small room, not knowing what was going on... wondering if I'd we'd be left motherless... It seemed like hours till Dad came and said Mom had a heart attack. She would have to be life-flighted, and the helicopter was on the way. I remember thinking as I sat there alone in the waiting room, All my friends and so many other people I know are all at church... enjoying life... they have no idea what we are going through... they have no idea that I'm all alone in an ER waiting room with a tiny baby, and Mom might be dying.
Later Dad took Michael and I back to her room to say good bye. Again I fought back the tears. Would this be the last time I see my Mother alive?? Then they loaded her onto the stretcher and wheeled her out to the waiting helicopter. The sun shone brightly and the chopping blades of the helicopter seemed to mock my crying heart. Then as if in a dream, or a story the helicopter disappeared in the distance... and we were back behind the hospital alone. My mind and emotions were a whirlwind of confusion... I was dazed. This couldn't be happening! It seemed like our happy world was shattered to millions of fragments. At the time the future looked vast and awful... so dark and unknown. I felt so desperately helpless and alone.
After the helicopter left Dad and I and Michael went to Walmart to get a bottle for Michael. He hadn't been fed yet that morning, and so far he was still sleeping. We had sample formula at home that the hospital gave when Michael was born. I never dreamed that some day we'd have to use it. We had to stop in at home because Dad was still in his every day clothes. Usually Omaha doesn't seem that far away, but that day it took forever to get there.
As we drove through Griswold and past our church on the way to Omaha my heart throbbed painfully. All my siblings and dear church friends were so close. And I knew they were praying for us. I wished I could see them all right then. In my heart I wished they knew we were driving past, and that we were on the way to Creighton. The sun shone on bright as ever, but, though I remained cool and collected on the outside, I was weeping and crying on the inside.
Mom was still in the Cath lab when we got there, but we weren't in the waiting room long till she was wheeled past. After Mom was settled in her room Dad and I went down to the cafeteria for lunch. I think it was about two by then, but I wasn't hungry at all. The rest of the afternoon was a confusing whirl of medical technology, doctors and nurses.
Dave and Mary came later in the afternoon with Irene. They prayed for us and read scriptures. I could've just cried. I was so thankful for friends like them that cared! Irene stayed with Mom that night, and Dad, Michael, and I went home. Dave and Abi brought the rest of the children over after we got home. The house looked just like it had when we left that morning. Everything from breakfast was still on the table. After Mom had started with chest pain that morning no one was hungry any more... so nobody ate.
I had Michael with me that night. He was a very calm, laid back baby and did very well. I felt so calm and peaceful even through the turmoil of our world having been turned upsidedown. When I would wake up during the night Psalms and/or songs would go through my mind. I could feel the prayers of hundreds of friends all over the world.
The next day, Monday, Dad went to the hospital alone right after breakfast, and the Grices took the other children to their house. Later in the morning Gram and Carol and her girls took Michael and me to the hospital, and brought Irene back to the Grices. I was at the hospital all day Monday. Later in the afternoon Ryan & Kelsey and baby Katelyn and Josh stopped by on their way home from Holdrege. Having friends visit us like that kind of calmed my heart because I knew people were thinking about us and cared for us. On Monday night we all went home for the night and Mom was at the hospital alone. Irene had Michael that night. Around two she gave him to me because he had woken up and wouldn't settle down. So I had him for the rest of the night.
Tuesday morning Dad took Joel, Simon, and Michael to the hospital, and us girls stayed home to do the laundry, and cleaning. The little children were at the Grices for the day. It was so odd being at home with no one around. That afternoon Carol and her girls took Irene and I to the thrift store in Atlantic to shop for baby clothes for Michael. Later she took us to the Grices where we had supper and spent the evening. Mary and Josh took us home later. Irene was with Mom that night and the Chupps had Michael. It was hard for me to leave Michael with someone else for the night. It did not seem right to have him away from the rest of the family. Plus I felt responsible for him. I was very glad to have him back with me the next day. :)
On Wednesday Dad took Jonathan with him to the hospital and the rest of us stayed home. We were so ready for life to get back to normal! I don't remember a whole lot from that day except after supper we all went out to the back field lane and played on the neighbor's hay bales. I guess it was a good way to relieve the stress and mixed emotions. After Dad and Jonathan came home we just sat outside and talked. But there was a big hole in the family circle... Mom was missing. Gram stayed with Mom that night. Irene and I took care of Michael with her having him the first half of the night and me the second part.
Thursday morning Dad took Marian, Michael, and I with him to the hospital where we spent another long day. That day the Grices were finishing the work at Dad's job site in Lewis which was a tremendous blessing! Rita and Mary Pratt visited us that afternoon. Later that day Mom was moved to another room just down the hall. Towards evening we were sitting in the room with Mom when a nurse tapped on the door and said we have visitors. In walked Teresa, Emily, Nathan, and Sophia Smidt! What a surprise! It was so nice seeing them and talking with them. They were such a sweet blessing! Again I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that people were thinking about us. The Smidts had driven those 4 1/2 hours just to visit us.
Marian was going to stay with Mom that night, but after we had left Mom called up and said the nurses said Marian is too young to stay there. So we had to go back and pick her up again. Poor Marian... she was in tears. She said she can't sleep as well when Mom isn't home. We left Michael with the Pratt's that night. Rita was so happy to help us! By that evening I was so tired and worn out I didn't even care that Michael wasn't with me. All of us were so worn out and tired from all the changes that had suddenly taken place. I think I was kind of in shock that week because looking back I don't know how I did it. God was so faithful! And His presence was so close! The peace we felt over the time was tremendous! Everyone's prayers were felt in every little way. We are so blessed to have so many caring friends and neighbors.
That Friday Dad went to the hospital alone. Mom's brother Joseph and his family came down for the day. Uncle Joe installed a large window air conditioner for us and helped the boys work in the garden while Aunt Anna Mary helped us girls with cleaning and stuff. They were such a blessing! We picked two 5 gallon buckets of green beans that day! Mom was discharged from the hospital that afternoon, and they came home late afternoon. It was so good to be together as a family again!
Mom was still too weak to do much, and Irene and I basically took over the house. We also took care of Michael night and day for several weeks after she came home because she was too weak to do it.
Over the time Mom was in the hospital wasn't as stressful for me as later when we had all the harvesting and canning to do. We were so blessed to have Emily Smidt with us for several weeks. She was such a blessing and encouragement to us, and I will always cherish the memories she made with us. She was a great help!
Another day I will always remember is when Elvin and Rachel visited us one evening. We were so blessed and encouraged by their visit! They prayed with us and shared scriptures. We had a sweet evening with them.
There were some evenings where I would just reflect over the past days and weeks, and look into the future and everything would just look so dark and hopeless. It was probably partly because of the stress and mixed emotions and just everything else that had taken place. I had to learn to just give everything to Christ. When I'd do that the peace of God would come back. Through the experiences from last year I've grown a lot in my relationship with God and with my family. Though it was a trying year, and we experienced many stressful times it was so worth it. God was so faithful. He always is! I am so thankful to God for sparing my Mother's life! I feel I've grown up a lot since that awful day in July. I couldn't be more grateful to have grown up in a Christian family, and having that hope... Jesus Christ. He is a faithful Friend! The following song went through my mind the entire week Mom was in the hospital...
"Rejoice In the Lord"
God never moves without purpose or plan
When trying His servant, or molding a man.
Give thanks to the Lord though your testing seems long;
In darkness He giveth a song.
I could not see through the shadows ahead;
So I looked at the cross of my Saviour instead.
I bowed to the will of the Master that day;
Then peace came and tears fled away.
Now I can see testing comes from above;
God strengthens His children and purges in love.
My Father knows best, and I trust in His care;
Through purging more fruit I will bear.
Chorus:
O rejoice in the Lord. He makes no mistake.
He knoweth the end of each path that I take.
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.
~Annetta
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