Friday, May 15, 2015

Ups and Downs

A week after I came home I had to have a follow up appointment with my regular doctor, Dr. Wilcox, at the Atlantic Medical Center. Edward was working in Atlantic, so he met me there to go with me. I was not allowed to drive, so Irene, who had her learner's permit, took me. We took 3 week old Baby Michael along. I was still scared and unsure of what I could or could not do. It was good to sit down and visit with a doctor about some of those things. She had never heard of SCAD after having a baby. She explained some of what had happened. The lining of the artery is a connective tissue, and that had gotten a tear. Dr. Holmberg had been in contact with her and told her about what happened. When she listened to my heart she said, "Your heart sounds good". "Your heart sounds good"....Just four little words, but how they lifted my spirit! I walked out of there feeling better than I had for weeks! The next day, Saturday, the girls went to a wedding. I wasn't up to going myself, but I did feel good enough to be in charge and make supper. Sunday morning I was still feeling good and decided I can go to church. I spent my time on the recliner in the nursery. It was a bit scary to step out of the comfort zone of my home. For a while I thought I have some chest pain, but if I got distracted it didn't bother me, so I know it was only anxiety. I did have my nitro pills in my pocket, just in case....

It didn't take much to trip me up again. Several weeks later I was reading about SCAD on the internet (bad idea!). It was a good, informative article, but I did not need to know all the facts I read. It said that 90% of patients have a recurrence in the first week and 50%  have one in the first two months. OH! I had not reached the two month mark yet. Fear surged through me. I did not want to go through it again! It took me a while to get over that. Again, it mattered where I looked. I could look at the 50% that had a recurrence or at the 50% that did not. I could look at my fears or at the grace of God that had carried me thus far. Sometime after that I was talking with my sister in law. She was saying that she had been talking with someone else who told her about a mother that had died from a heart attack (probably a SCAD), but her baby had been three months old already when it happened. Oh no! My baby is not three months old yet. Does that mean it could happen again?! She had no idea the emotional turmoil she put me in. I don't blame her at all, but it has made me more sensitive when I talk to others.

About six months later when I was feeling much stronger I happened across an article of Mayo Clinic's studies on SCAD. From the research they did 21% of the patients had recurrences. I had not realized the rate was so high. I had thought I was about past the chance of any recurrence. Apparently not. I again struggled with some fear, but not as intense as earlier. Later that same day two year old Rhoda was singing the song, "God Is so Good". She had gotten stuck on the verse, "He cares for you", and was singing it over and over while she was playing. Out of the mouth of babes...

God is so good,
God is so good,
God is so good,
He's so good to me.

He cares for me,
He cares for me,
He cares for me,
He's so good to me.


Wednesday, May 6, 2015

The Garment of Praise For the Spirit of Heaviness

Isaiah 61:1-3 The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. 

Luke 4:18 The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised....

The first scripture here is a prophecy of Jesus. The second one is Jesus reading those words of prophecy about himself. In this post I would like to lift up the power of our Lord Jesus. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, which means He still heals the broken hearted etc.

Those first days, weeks, and months after my heart attack, fear and anxiety wanted to overtake me. I could be feeling fine during the day, but when I went to bed at night it was there, trying to overtake me. That slight risk of complications magnified itself in my mind. When I was at my lowest point I happened to think, no, I believe God caused me to remember that I was going through some major hormonal changes. I had just had a baby. I was nursing the baby then I had to stop, so that too caused a major shift in hormones. I was not going crazy. Once my hormones are straightened out I should be feeling better. That was such a relief I felt better right away!!! Until something upset it again...

I felt very good physically. My headache was completely gone and I had no pain anywhere. My hips had straightened out the first week. I was still weak, I could not walk much till I got hot and sweaty and my heart rate wanted to go too high in the evenings. Emotionally I was also very weak. If the children got too noisy I couldn't take it. It even stressed me out to be responsible for the baby. The girls took care of him at night for another 1 1/2 weeks. During the day I usually fed him his bottle.

And now back to the title of this post. We had a weekend of meetings and the preacher used the words, "Garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness". Immediately I thought of my experience and in my heart I said, "That is true!" Praising the Lord takes away that spirit of heaviness. At night when I was in bed and that monster of fear was right there trying to overtake me I would cry out to the Lord. Sometimes it was just, "Help me. Please don't let my heart do anything it shouldn't. Please heal my heart!" A dear friend had sent me a letter. In the letter she wrote, "It matters where you look". That is so true. I could have my focus on my poor, weak heart that was not trust worthy at all, or I could have my focus on the LORD and know that whatever happens is because He willed it so for my good. This is where I needed to put on the "garment of praise". Another friend had told us once that to help the children memorize scripture they put emphasis on each word. I would recite in my mind... "The LORD is my shepherd. The Lord IS my shepherd. The Lord is MY shepherd etc. A song that helped me through those long, dark nights was "What a Friend We Have in JESUS".

  1. What a friend we have in Jesus,
    All our sins and griefs to bear!
    What a privilege to carry
    Everything to God in prayer!
    Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
    Oh, what needless pain we bear,
    All because we do not carry
    Everything to God in prayer!
  2. Have we trials and temptations?
    Is there trouble anywhere?
    We should never be discouraged—
    Take it to the Lord in prayer.
    Can we find a friend so faithful,
    Who will all our sorrows share?
    Jesus knows our every weakness;
    Take it to the Lord in prayer.
  3. Are we weak and heavy-laden,
    Cumbered with a load of care?
    Precious Savior, still our refuge—
    Take it to the Lord in prayer.
    Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
    Take it to the Lord in prayer!
    In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
    Thou wilt find a solace there.
  4. Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
    Thou wilt all our burdens bear;
    May we ever, Lord, be bringing
    All to Thee in earnest prayer.
    Soon in glory bright, unclouded,
    There will be no need for prayer—
    Rapture, praise, and endless worship
    Will be our sweet portion there.
  5. Joseph Scriven



I would recite those verses over and over until I fell asleep. Truly the LORD can give songs in the night. The garment of praise does take away the spirit of heaviness.

Isaiah 25:4 For thou hast been a strength to the poor, a strength to the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shadow from the heat, when the blast of the terrible ones is as a storm against the wall.

'TILL THE STORM PASSES BY

In the dark of the midnight,
Have I oft hid my face;
While the storm howls above me,
And there's no hiding place;
'Mid the crash of the thunder,
Precious Lord, hear my cry;
"Keep me safe 'til the storm passes by."

'Til the storm passes over,
'Til the thunder sounds no more;
'Til the clouds roll forever from the sky,
Hold me fast, let me stand,
In the hollow of Thy hand;
Keep me safe 'til the storm passes by.

Many times Satan whispers,
"There is no need to try;
For there's no end of sorrow,
There's no hope by and by";
But I know Thou art with me,
And tomorrow I'll rise;
Where the storms never darken the skies.

'Til the storm passes over,
'Til the thunder sounds no more;
'Til the clouds roll forever from the sky,
Hold me fast, let me stand,
In the hollow of Thy hand;
Keep me safe 'til the storm passes by.

When the long night has ended,
And the storms come no more,
Let me stand in Thy presence.
On that bright, peaceful shore.
In that land where the tempest
Never comes, Lord may I
Dwell with Thee when the storm passes by.

'Til the storm passes over,
'Til the thunder sounds no more;
'Til the clouds roll forever from the sky,
Hold me fast, let me stand,
In the hollow of Thy hand;
Keep me safe 'til the storm passes by.

Hold me fast, Let me stand,
In the hollow of Thy hand;
Keep me safe 'til the storm passes by.
'Til the storm passes by.
Mosie Lister