Hospital Life Part II

Where do I begin??? If this post is disorganized and confused it's because that is how I was feeling. I was just told that I had damage to my heart, I could have no more babies and couldn't nurse the baby I had. I would have to take all this medicine or I could die. I now had two stents in my heart that would stay there forever. What would that all mean? I was afraid. Would it happen again? That slight risk of complications magnified itself in my mind. I was so thankful for doctors and their knowledge and the stents they put in to save my life. At the same time I struggled with accepting all of what had happened. I did not want stents. I did not want a half working heart. I wanted to be strong and healthy. I had just come through a rough pregnancy and was looking forward to being able to do things again. So being told that I should have a full recovery in three months sounded like the rest of my life. And did the Dr. really know?! Life certainly gets a different perspective when you're flat on your back in a hospital bed!

Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. 
I cannot emphasize enough how the LORD helped me through this very difficult time. I see it much more clearly now than I did at the time it was happening. Even though I did not understand how this could be God's will, he gave me the grace to trust Him and to believe that all things work together for good to them that love God.

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

Everyone was so kind and helpful. The doctor had a lactation consultant come in to talk with us about the pros and cons of nursing with these medications. She thought I should at least try it. I couldn't as long as I was on Heparin, a very strong blood thinner I would be on my entire stay at the hospital. She encouraged me to keep pumping even if I would have to wait as long as several months to try nursing again. That looked like a huge mountain to me. Another option would be to nurse some and supplement with formula so that he wouldn't be getting as much of the meds. Hmmm.... There is a very good pediatrician in Omaha that could do regular blood work on the baby to make sure it's not having adverse effects on him. That did not sound very positive to us either. She had a very thick book with all medications and how safe or unsafe they are for babies. The heart meds I was on had the middle rating and she said that's because they have no studies on them. I guess there are very few mothers with tiny babies that have to take them. We would need some time to think about all this.

Pat Lowis and Carol Gavin came in, bringing Annetta and Baby Michael along. I was so encouraged when Pat told how she had a slight heart attack years ago and had a stent put in. The spunky old lady kicked up her foot to show that she's still kicking after all these years. :) She also brought a beautiful bouquet along. Thank God for friends!

Irene went home, or rather to Dave Grices where the other children were staying, with Pat and Carol. I tried to rest since I had not slept much the night before. Someone from the lab was coming regularly to draw blood. That all had to be done in my left hand because of the cath site on my right wrist. The pressure from the tourniquet could cause it to start bleeding. By the time I came home I had some very colorful bruises! Nurses were in and out all the time. It was very hard to find a space of uninterrupted time to fall asleep. I still had a headache... That afternoon Ryan and Kelsey Grice stopped in on their way home from Holdredge, NE. It was encouraging to have visitors, but I was too tired to enjoy it. Edward stayed till after supper then he and Annetta went home. We decided I will stay by myself. Both girls were very worn out. For the sake of the children it was best for Edward to spend the nights at home with them. Pat had offered to stay, but I didn't like the idea of asking her do to that. She's in her seventies. I knew I would receive excellent care from the nurses and there's no reason anyone has to stay with me. It did feel pretty lonely after everyone left. I didn't sleep much better than the night before. At one point my call button fell on the floor. Such a helpless feeling. I was tied down with IV and monitors and couldn't even get out of bed to pick it up!