Adjusting to a New normal

I was now at home from the hospital, but life was not back to normal. I had hit a huge bump in the road of life and needed quite a bit of adjusting in my thinking. Coming home from the hospital with a new baby is always an adjustment. This homecoming adjustment was much greater. Not only did I have a newborn baby, I had come through an unexpected, life threatening circumstance. My activities and diet had changed. That was pretty major, but not as big as the emotional roller coaster I was on.

After Joes left it was time to make supper. I think the girls were pretty glad to hand the responsibility of meal planning over to me. We had LOTS of food in the house. People were bringing so much food we didn't have any room in the refrigerator and freezers anymore. Most of the meals were casseroles. Those did not fit into my low fat, low sodium diet, so we decided to just make plain tomato soup for supper that first evening. Since my daily allowance of salt was only 1/8 teaspoon, we decided we would cook everything without salt and the others could salt their food however they wanted. Have you ever eaten everything without salt? It isn't very tasty!

My heart attack had happened while sitting at the table to eat. That first evening at home I could not bring myself to sit at the table. I knew that was not what caused the heart attack, but it was scary. It was like a car accident victim not wanting to get back into a car. I stayed on my recliner to eat. If I remember right I was able to sit at the table the next day.

Sitting was very uncomfortable, so after supper I lay on the couch. It was hot outside, so everyone wanted to be inside. The air conditioner was noisy and I wasn't used to it. The children were happy and excited to have Mom at home again. All in all it was pretty hectic. As much as I wanted to be with the children I soon moved upstairs to our bedroom. I just couldn't cope with all the noise and commotion. Ah! My own bed with the memory foam felt so much better than a hard hospital bed. But I felt scared and vulnerable. Like I said in a previous post, there is a feeling of security in a hospital. Now I was at home, at least 15 minutes from a hospital. OK, I know that sounds like a lack of faith. We trust God, right? Yes! I did trust God, but the reality was, something could still go wrong and I was afraid. I always made sure I had my cell phone with me. Even something simple like going to the bathroom and locking the door was unsettling. What if I would just drop over and die. At bedtime I told Edward I have this discomfort in my chest and I don't know what it is. He prayed for me and after I had slept awhile it went away. I know now that it was just anxiety.

I came home with five different medications... Effient, Metoprolol, Lisinopril, Atorvastatin, and Aspirin. While at the hospital the nurses always brought them to me at the right time. Now I had to figure out when to take what. Everything was clearly labeled, so it wasn't as hard as I first thought. Edward bought a pill organizer and that made it much easier.

Edward and the girls got everyone settled down for the night. Michael's crib had been moved into the girls' room. They took care of him at night for about two weeks until I felt able to do it again. The night seemed strangely quiet and dark. In the hospital there were always lights on, people talking, and phones ringing, especially in the CCU where the nurses' station was right outside my door. I was able to sleep pretty good. There were some times that I lay awake, unable to sleep. That was when the nights seemed long and dark...

During the day I spent most of my time in bed or on the couch. My hips still made sitting very uncomfortable. I was supposed to walk twice a day. That really helped me get back into shape and after about a week my hips did not bother me much. At first I did all my walking in the house, since outside is mostly hilly, and I could only walk on level ground. Back and forth - around the rooms this way then that way so that I don't get dizzy. :) It was amazing how tired I got! I had to check my heart rate regularly. It could not go much above 100. Evenings it tended to go a little high. I don't know why, but it was a bit unsettling, so I didn't always take my evening walk.

Edward does remodeling and painting. To make it quieter here at home he took the three boys with him everyday. That was so nice that he was able to do that. Once when he was at the store they gave the boys some hats they were lusting for.......

Cardiologist Visit

I will interrupt my story a bit here. Today I had an appointment with Dr. Holmberg, my cardiologist. I was sitting in the outpatient clinic waiting to get checked in when Joanie, a nurse I met in cardiac rehab came to get someone else. When she saw me, she got a big smile, came over and hugged me and said how good it is to see me again! She had seen my name on the chart for today and was so glad. That was nice. :)

My blood pressure was low - 100 over 70. Heart rate was low too. Joanie was a little concerned, especially when I told her it's in the low 40s sometimes. She said I have to be sure to tell Dr. Holmberg. He didn't seem very concerned since I don't have problems with feeling light headed. He said some people's heart rate is in the 40s. He wants me to stay on the beta blocker, metoprolol, to take stress off the arteries to help avoid another dissection. He also wants me to stay on Plavix and baby aspirin because of where my stents are located. They are at the top of my left anterior descending artery, which is the main artery, supplying blood to 70% of the heart. We don't want anything to happen there is what he said. I also have to stay on the cholesterol medicine because my cholesterol had gone too high this winter when I got off for a while. I was disappointed about that because cholesterol medicine is kind of hard on a person. He said my high cholesterol is likely hereditary and that can't be kept low by watching your diet. It wasn't extremely high, but I am now classified as "high risk". I need to go in next week to get it checked again to see if it has come down since I am on meds again. Good news was I don't need to see him again for a year!

I asked about getting more testing done through Mayo Clinic. He said it wouldn't benefit me anything, but might help years down the road with research. What Mayo would do is blood work to check for genetic factors that might cause spontaneous coronary artery dissection to see if it might be hereditary. My parents and siblings would also have to do this testing. I probably won't do it...

After I was done in the out patient clinic I went back to cardiac rehab to say hi to Peggy and Kathy. I also had to congratulate Peggy. She was named one of the "100 Great Iowa Nurses for 2015".

And now tomorrow and Wednesday I go to college to do the final tests to get my GED (now called high school equivalence test). The only thing I'm worried about is that I do not get a headache!! The reason I am doing this test now in my "old age" is because some states require it to home school your children.

And then I have to make an appointment with an oral surgeon about my wisdom tooth that is erupting. Yes! I am getting my first wisdom tooth. Maybe that is why I have all these headaches???

Homecoming

Friday morning dawned with an air of anticipation. If all went as planned I could go home. Early in the morning a lab worker came to draw blood. She commented on some tracts the children had left laying around and told me how I had such good kids. I told her she can have some tracts and asked her if there is anything I can pray for her. She opened up and told me some of the difficulties she was facing. A very worldly, lost and hurting woman with little concept of Godliness. My prayer was that somehow I could be a light to all the people I was meeting in the hospital.

Next, two men came to do an echocardiogram aka ultrasound of my heart. It's like I've heard many times... you lose your dignity pretty fast in a hospital. :( The first man took some pictures then the second man put an illuminator in my IV. As that was going through my heart, he took some more pictures. It was pretty interesting. He explained how the illuminator is really just lots of super tiny bubbles that pass out through the lungs when the blood goes through the lungs. He showed me both sets of pictures. The ones with the illuminator were definitely more clear. Then the second man, who was just learning how to do an echo wanted to try his hand at it. I guess they need to learn on someone...

Edward came in a little bit later than usual. He had some business to attend to first. When the PT came to take me for a walk he had good news. The echo showed my heart function had improved quite a bit and I was allowed to go home, but then he said he isn't supposed to be telling me this, so when the doctor comes in I'm supposed to act as if I didn't know! This day he had me go up and down a flight of stairs to see what my BP and heart rate does. It was fine. While we were walking in the halls we came across a man (a patient in his gown...) who was trying to open a door to the outside. Josh, the PT, left me standing in the hall by myself while he went to tell the man to get back to his room. He was trying to hide a pack of cigarettes, apparently trying to sneak out to have a smoke. Poor man. His smoking is probably what landed him in the hospital with heart problems.  For some reason when we came back from the walk and I sat down on the bed I felt hot and light headed. I didn't say anything, just laid back and rested. It soon went away. I think I was just tired...

And then Dr. Holmberg came with the good news that I may go home. The ejection fraction of my heart had improved from 25 - 30 % to 45 - 50%. I did still have some fluid around my heart. He said again that he expects me to have a full recovery in three months. In several weeks he wanted me to start cardiac rehab. Meanwhile I would have to do some walking at home. He wanted to see me again in about 3 weeks and do another echocardiogram. I would be able to have that done in Atlantic.

I would have to be on a low cholesterol, low sodium diet. Dr. Holmberg offered to send a dietitian to explain more about it. I felt like I understood it pretty good. After all, I have been cooking since I was a little girl! But life in the hospital can be boring, and I thought I might be able to get some tips from a dietitian, so I said I would like that. I have taken a keen interest in healthy cooking for a long time. I thought our diet was pretty healthy, so I was surprised to learn that my cholesterol was too high. It was 240 and they recommend having it under 200, especially if you have heart problems. The only thing we could figure that caused the high cholesterol was the 2 fried eggs I ate for breakfast every morning. Dr. Holmberg told me I should not eat more than three eggs a week. One egg has more cholesterol than I was allowed to have daily!

Josh, the PT came back with a book of instructions. Yes, a BOOK! There were several pages of does and don'ts for the next six to eight weeks. I could not lift more than 10 pounds. Thankfully my baby weighed only six pounds! I could not do anything where I would have to lift my arms above my head like washing windows or hanging out laundry. An interesting thing he said is the last to do is pushing a vacuum cleaner. I had to walk twice a day, increasing my time gradually. It had to be on level ground, not up hill and not in the hot sun. He told me over and over that if I start having chest pains I have to take the nitro pills and either have Edward drive me to the hospital or call the ambulance. Later when we were doing our research we found out that a large percent of people with SCAD have a recurrence. I am so glad he did not tell me that.

The lactation consultant also visited me. She really thought I should try nursing. She gave me a business card for the pediatrician we could take the baby to, to make sure the medication was not harmful to him. She thought the benefits would outweigh the risks. After she left we discussed the pros and cons. We finally decided to go with formula. We know that is safe. Nobody was able to tell us if the medication I was taking was going to be safe. It was a hard decision on my part. I believe any nursing mother will understand the grief I felt... Well, maybe not unless you had to make that decision too. So many times we don't understand until we experience something personally.

And then the discharge process started. Orders were sent to the pharmacy for all my meds. I was SO glad for one thing. Earlier in the week a nurse told me I might have to give myself heparin shots in the stomach. She gave me one that day. Horrors! I did not want to do that!!! Apparently blood work showed I did not need them. I was given one dose of Coumadin, but didn't have to take that at home either. The only blood thinner I had to take besides the daily aspirin was Effient. It was after lunch now. My IV and heart moniter were removed and I was free to get dressed and comb my hair. Oh that felt so good! My hips were still badly out of shape. I could hardly get out of bed and stand up without falling. Laying down was the only comfortable position. A PT had given me exercises the day before that should help. A nurses' aide came with a wheel chair to take me to the door, but then the meds weren't ready yet. Finally we were able to go! Edward had been busy taking out all the STUFF that had accumulated. When we came down to pick up the meds they still weren't ready. We probably waited at least 30 minutes. Because of my hips I could hardly sit and the wheel chair was so uncomfortable. I didn't feel strong enough to stand or walk around and the chairs weren't very comfortable either. It was a long wait. Finally everything was ready and we were on our way home.

After such a traumatic happening there is a sense of security in the hospital. It was a little scary to leave that security. What if.........??? The healing process had only started. I didn't realize that emotionally I would go down before I went up.

My brother Joe and family came and spent the day at our house. They decided not to come to the hospital since I was expected to be released anyway. The children all stayed at home too. They were very happy to have Joes there with them. We were having some very hot weather and with my heart issues I was supposed to stay out of the heat. Since we did not have air conditioning in our house, Joe stopped in Des Moines and got a big window unit that he put in the living room. He also helped the boys weed the strawberry patch and put electric fence around the sweet corn patch to keep the raccoons out of it. Anna Mary helped with the laundry and cleaning, some of which had been sadly neglected. They also picked a bunch of beans.

We were thankful for the cool breeze, but it took some getting used to the noisy fan. And besides, it blew right at my favorite recliner. Thankfully the heat wave soon passed and we actually did not have to use it that much.

With my troublesome hips the hour long ride home was long and uncomfortable. The children were calling, wondering WHEN we're coming. Finally we were at home. A large "Welcome home Mom" sign was at the end of the driveway. Everyone seemed a bit shy as they came out to greet us. Except for Rhoda who had her second birthday that day. She came running and squealing, "MOOMMM!" It was good to be home, but after a quiet hospital room all the noise and commotion was a bit overwhelming. After visiting a bit Joe and Anna Mary and family had to leave. Jonathan had saved Rhoda's birthday gift till I was at home to watch her open it.

He gave her a rock and a night light that we probably had for 10 years already! Ah! the simplicity of childhood. She was as happy with that simple gift as she would have been with an expensive one, and Jonathan was happy to give her some of his treasures.

I was finally able to mother my baby. :)