Ups and Downs

A week after I came home I had to have a follow up appointment with my regular doctor, Dr. Wilcox, at the Atlantic Medical Center. Edward was working in Atlantic, so he met me there to go with me. I was not allowed to drive, so Irene, who had her learner's permit, took me. We took 3 week old Baby Michael along. I was still scared and unsure of what I could or could not do. It was good to sit down and visit with a doctor about some of those things. She had never heard of SCAD after having a baby. She explained some of what had happened. The lining of the artery is a connective tissue, and that had gotten a tear. Dr. Holmberg had been in contact with her and told her about what happened. When she listened to my heart she said, "Your heart sounds good". "Your heart sounds good"....Just four little words, but how they lifted my spirit! I walked out of there feeling better than I had for weeks! The next day, Saturday, the girls went to a wedding. I wasn't up to going myself, but I did feel good enough to be in charge and make supper. Sunday morning I was still feeling good and decided I can go to church. I spent my time on the recliner in the nursery. It was a bit scary to step out of the comfort zone of my home. For a while I thought I have some chest pain, but if I got distracted it didn't bother me, so I know it was only anxiety. I did have my nitro pills in my pocket, just in case....

It didn't take much to trip me up again. Several weeks later I was reading about SCAD on the internet (bad idea!). It was a good, informative article, but I did not need to know all the facts I read. It said that 90% of patients have a recurrence in the first week and 50%  have one in the first two months. OH! I had not reached the two month mark yet. Fear surged through me. I did not want to go through it again! It took me a while to get over that. Again, it mattered where I looked. I could look at the 50% that had a recurrence or at the 50% that did not. I could look at my fears or at the grace of God that had carried me thus far. Sometime after that I was talking with my sister in law. She was saying that she had been talking with someone else who told her about a mother that had died from a heart attack (probably a SCAD), but her baby had been three months old already when it happened. Oh no! My baby is not three months old yet. Does that mean it could happen again?! She had no idea the emotional turmoil she put me in. I don't blame her at all, but it has made me more sensitive when I talk to others.

About six months later when I was feeling much stronger I happened across an article of Mayo Clinic's studies on SCAD. From the research they did 21% of the patients had recurrences. I had not realized the rate was so high. I had thought I was about past the chance of any recurrence. Apparently not. I again struggled with some fear, but not as intense as earlier. Later that same day two year old Rhoda was singing the song, "God Is so Good". She had gotten stuck on the verse, "He cares for you", and was singing it over and over while she was playing. Out of the mouth of babes...

God is so good,

God is so good,

God is so good,

He's so good to me.

He cares for me,

He cares for me,

He cares for me,

He's so good to me.